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Birthday was a strange plus amazing day.
Had dinner with my dad, which didn’t happen for about 15 yrs, business license is done, G texted me but not really talking…

Back to work, while time goes by, I start to remember my resentment from last time, I desperately hope to get a reply from the other job application…

Gotta do another medical check tomorrow then to fix something about the license…gonna be a hard day to kill…

I have stopped crying but I miss G still so very much…

You said, I said, and then what?

You said, I said, and then what?

twloha:









Thank You. Thank You for wearing a shirt. Thank You for posting a photo. Thank You for putting a poster up on the door of your dorm. Thank You for giving out info cards. Thank You for tweets and blogs and posts and shares. Thank You for asking people to donate to treatment & recovery. Thank You for starting conversations. Thank You for caring about people. More than anything, we hope these words feel true: You matter. You’re not alone. It’s okay to be honest. It’s okay to ask for help. You are living a story and your story is important. No one else can play your part.

twloha:

Thank You. Thank You for wearing a shirt. Thank You for posting a photo. Thank You for putting a poster up on the door of your dorm. Thank You for giving out info cards. Thank You for tweets and blogs and posts and shares. Thank You for asking people to donate to treatment & recovery. Thank You for starting conversations. Thank You for caring about people. More than anything, we hope these words feel true: You matter. You’re not alone. It’s okay to be honest. It’s okay to ask for help. You are living a story and your story is important. No one else can play your part.

twloha:









Thank You. Thank You for wearing a shirt. Thank You for posting a photo. Thank You for putting a poster up on the door of your dorm. Thank You for giving out info cards. Thank You for tweets and blogs and posts and shares. Thank You for asking people to donate to treatment & recovery. Thank You for starting conversations. Thank You for caring about people. More than anything, we hope these words feel true: You matter. You’re not alone. It’s okay to be honest. It’s okay to ask for help. You are living a story and your story is important. No one else can play your part.

twloha:

Thank You. Thank You for wearing a shirt. Thank You for posting a photo. Thank You for putting a poster up on the door of your dorm. Thank You for giving out info cards. Thank You for tweets and blogs and posts and shares. Thank You for asking people to donate to treatment & recovery. Thank You for starting conversations. Thank You for caring about people. More than anything, we hope these words feel true: You matter. You’re not alone. It’s okay to be honest. It’s okay to ask for help. You are living a story and your story is important. No one else can play your part.

I cried so much tonight cuz I found out G has selected me to another group in his wechat moments…
So this is how it feels like when someone pulls out of my life…

It’s been a while, and I have missed you everyday. The hardest part of these days is not being able to talk to you, I know we weren’t super close but I cherished the moments of being able to talk to you, or sitting next to you, or just hearing your voice. And now it hurts like having my arteries opened…

For the countless time I snapped, you did everything to bring me back, and for the very only one time you snapped, I dropped you and everything we’ve agreed even before we arrived the Oakwood, I was a jerk for real, no excuse.

But, I know, this is the right choice of you. We both want relationship, you just don’t want it with me. Now you can actually go after what makes you happy, please be happy, and I’ll be happy for you.

I meant to ask you if you have thought of Milex sometimes, but I don’t know if I’d handle the answer, sorry.

Please know Melix miss you very much, so do I. And hope maybe one day, you’ll be able to find the strength to forgive my insanity, and maybe try a little bit to understand the narrow corner of hope and insecurity of my heart.

I can imagine you are screaming WTF right now, so let me stop typing.

We miss you.

Ciao.

Finding safety in the familiar doesn’t mean you’re seeking attention or choosing to be depressed. The unfamiliar can be scary, even when it is undoubtedly healthier, happier, and freer. Healing doesn’t mean admitting that none of your struggles mattered. It doesn’t mean you are leaving behind the people who are still hurting. It doesn’t mean that you no longer have permission to hurt or ask for help. It doesn’t mean that you are setting yourself up for a fall.

Jessica Cooney, “Letting Myself Let Go

(via twloha)

I need not to think, till then, just pause all the thinking…

meetaclassybitch:

The first picture is me and my twinbrother when we were 3 years old. The second picture is me on my brother’s funeral. He was 18 years old and killed himself. I don’t care if this ruins your blog. I want you to reblog this and make a statement.

The first picture is worldfamous. Even Kendall Jenner posted it on her instagram account.We were on the news because no one knew that the picture was 15 years old. But people need to realize that life isn’t as pretty as the picture tells us. Life is cruel. Just like our society. And I’ve lost my best friend because of it. Teenagers are suppose to have fun, instead of thinking about killing themselves. 

I hope this will get to Kendall Jenner and she’ll defend my statement. Because no one will probably listen to me… 

not a word…is this really the end?

No reply from him…is this how we end everything?…

i emailed G, cuz i miss him too fucking much…

first day back, it was a three hours delay in the airport, so i arrived home at almost three am, didn’t shower, i went to sleep.

got up in the morning, rrgardless of how much i didn’t want to…cleaned up the house, had a shower, started washing clothes…

had nails done after lunch, the girl who has been doing my nails said it’s her bday today, so i bought her a small cake afterwards, she was happy, i hope…

my cell arrived, i logged into the new wechat, chatted with DD for a bit, i do miss working with them, and it kills me to think he doesn’t want to talk to me anymore cuz he didn’t add me…

i miss him so much, and i feel bad, it’s ok he doesn’t like me but i shouldn’t have cut him off like i did…just like how i have always wished someone wouldn’t do the same thing to me…

i am a horrible person…

During the most terrifying turbulence above air, i could only think of that, i haven’t kissed my cats enough, i haven’t seen Cessy’s daughter, i haven’t cooked sweety cake for xiaoyuan, i haven’t tried space cake in Groningen, i haven’t told you i love you.

I miss you, Ozy.